Funny Frugality

Frugality makes sense in these times, but it can go too far. The funny ways to save money that follow are thus not meant to be serious - at least I don;t mean them that way. But I'm not sure about the intentions of the blogs, websites and the minds of twisted scrooges where I got these ideas. Let me be clear: these are for entertainment purposes only.

Ways To Save Money

Request extra religious tracts from the next zealots to knock on your door. Then replace half of each restaurant tip with one of these gifts. Your annual savings based on eating out four times monthly and an average normal tip of four dollars (replaced by $2 and that nice little booklet): $96

Stop by to visit your neighbors while they're working in their gardens. Continue to compliment them on the great job they've done with the garden until they finally offer you some free vegetables or fruit. Do this with several neighbors in order to spread out these foraging trips and limit them to one or two per month for each one. Your estimated annual savings on vegetables: $106.

Visit the lost-and-found departments at businesses, governmental buildings and other places. Look through the items and say, "There it is!" whenever you come upon something you need. For the most savings with this strategy you have to focus on taking things that you would have otherwise bought. Skip the fancy umbrellas you never would have paid for anyhow. Avoid day planners, books and other things that might have the name of the owner written in them. Your savings depend on your acting ability and the number of places you can check.

All fast food restaurants offer you packets of ketchup, mustard and other condiments for free. Teach your kids to take seven or eight extra packets before you leave. Just stop buying condiments for the house altogether, and have them take extra napkins too. Your potential savings each year: $120

Go ahead and pee in the shower every day while you are there. It goes down the drain in any case. With a three gallon flush for the toilet replaced each time, you'll save 1,000 gallons of water annually - unless you skip your daily showers to save even more money see next tip). You'll have to multiply that by the per-gallon charge from your local water company or municipality to determine the annual savings you'll get.

Take the downspout off your gutter so you can shower under the resulting stream of falling water when it rains hard enough. A once monthly outdoor shower that saves you ten gallons of hot water like this can save you at least thirty cents every year.

Carefully cut open lotion and shampoo containers to get the last 20% that Consumer's Reports says is normally thrown away by people. Your potential savings? $1.17 per hour of effort at least.

Want more funny frugality? Train your dog to beg neighbors for scraps to save on dog food. Stop by your friends' houses right around dinner time to get fed for free. Make calls during lunch and leave a message so the other person has to return the call and use his paid minutes. Soap up your car just before a thunderstorm and let the rain rinse it to save on car washes.